Beauty in the Berry Patch

This International Women's Day, I'm remembering my mother. I've been thinking about my mom a fair bit lately. She's been gone for many years, yet her spirit lives on in me and speaks to me almost daily.

She was a strong one, that woman. Of Polish descent, with a calm nature, she was kind and gentle and rarely raised her voice at the chaos that occurred with five children underfoot. She'd lift one eyebrow or stop whatever she was doing to look directly at us for a second, which was usually enough to settle us down and remind us to do what we were supposed to be doing at that moment.

My mom was a hard worker and went about her daily chores with grace and a strength that inspired others. She volunteered in the community and for her church. She sang and laughed. She joked and routinely made up new words and sounds. As a child, she created "soap opera" stories for her siblings, with them as main characters, while they walked along looking for the cows on their farm. I owe my love of language and creativity to my mother.

In her later years, Mom commented on how she enjoyed being a farmer herself. Although I saw that she loved plants and nature, it was only in rereading parts of a family history book that I had renewed insight into her love of farming. My mom wrote that after teaching for a few years in various districts in central Alberta (before she had any children of her own), she took two courses from Queen's University by correspondence, which she worked on during the weekends. "After passing the exams, I was given my 'Permanent Standard E Certificate. I secretly wished I would never need to use it, for I was much happier being a farm wife. I preferred the hard work on the farm to the stress of teaching," she wrote.

Hmmm... I had never considered that any woman in my family would want to stay on the farm rather than do something that was less strenuous. My dad and brother were fine with a life on the farm. But it was a surprise of sorts to learn that Mom was happiest there too. I and my three sisters were certainly not cut from that same cloth. 

A while ago, I was thinking about my childhood days of picking berries with my mom. Those were sweet moments, not just because we could eat our fill of the delicious fruits, but because we were spending time with our mom. Many times, Mom went out picking berries on her own. This led me to write this poem, an ode to my mother...

Thanks, Mom. For everything.

A haircut and a hug from Poland

On a particularly emotional day a few months ago, I decided to get a haircut. I had been missing my departed loved ones – my husband, my parents, and my parents-in-laws – more than usual. I needed to do something to boost my spirits.

Instead of going to my usual salon, I went to a new place.

I am the kind of person who doesn't really enjoy chatting the whole time that my hair is being cut - partly because I can't see without my glasses on and partly because I am not comfortable chatting or sharing details of my personal life with a room full of strangers.

But this day was different.

The woman who cut my hair had an accent. My curious journalist-self kicked in and I asked her where she was from.

"Poland," she said.

Interesting, I thought.

"My mother was born in Poland, and my dad was born in a part of Ukraine that was Poland at one time," I told her.

This led to a conversation about whether I speak the Polish language (I don't); how long she's been in Canada (two years; she and her husband came for better work opportunities); how I and my husband wanted to go to Poland when we were in Europe in 2013 but we ran out of time, however my youngest sister went to Ukraine that year and saw the area where our dad was born. 

The hairdresser asked whether I make any Polish food.

"I don't but my mom made perogies and cabbages rolls. What kinds of food do you make?" I asked her.

She told me she likes perogies, but she puts all kinds of different things in them - "white cheese, broccoli, garlic  - delicious!" 

Just then, I glanced up as she was trimming on one side of my head and I saw her name tag.

"Agnieszka." 

I was dumbfounded. "Oh my gosh! That's my mother's name!" I exclaimed. "Agnes."

"Yes," she replied. "It is hard for people to say here."

I miss my mother very much. She was a strong, faithful Christian woman with a zany sense of humour and a passion for bright-coloured blouses.

I sat in awe of this circumstance – a Polish hairdresser who shared the same name as my mom.

I will not call it is a coincidence. In my daughter Lisa Driver’s first award-winning book, Opening Up: How To Develop Your Intuition and WorkWith Your Angels, she notes that what we often think of as “coincidences” are actually signs that the universe is sending us a message. Our angels want to let us know they are with us. I have had too many “coincidence” experiences in my life to just set these aside as accidental. The probabilities of me going to that shop on that day at that time when that particular hairdresser was available to cut my hair are too big to comprehend. Everything aligned for that to happen.

I sat and enjoyed the rest of the cut – which is difficult to do when you’re almost blind without your glasses on!

When the haircut was done, I put my glasses back on and noticed a keychain that was hanging on the drawer handle in front of the salon chair.

"I love Poland," it said.

I smiled.

I asked if I could take a photo of it.

 “Yes,” Agnesiewska replied. “This is better, " she added as she turned the ornament around to show me the other side of it.

"I Love Polska."

Much better.

I felt a huge grin forming on my face. A message of love from my angel mom. A reminder of my Polish heritage.

As I was paying for the trim, Agnesiewska asked me, "Your mother - she lives?" 

"No,” I replied. “She passed away in 2011.”

"Oh... I sorry." 

This precious Polish woman paused just long enough for me to let her response sink in.

Then she sighed and added, "Ah... Life!"

Life indeed.

A Conversation With My Mother – For World Cancer Day

Yesterday afternoon, I had the urge to phone my mother and talk to her.

Unfortunately, that couldn’t happen physically because my mom died on July 9, 2011, three months after being diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic and liver cancer.

Her death cut me to the core. I thought she’d live for another 10 years, like her mom, who died at age 94.

I didn’t realize how much I would miss my mom until after she died. I suppose that’s normal, but I don't like it. Her death has not stopped me from talking to her, however. I have conversations with her all the time – in my mind, on some higher level than I ever experienced prior to her death. She is a deep part of who I am, so it makes sense that she will always be with me in one way or another.

Today is World Cancer Day.

In honour of all those who are fighting this terrible disease, and those who have lost their fight or lost others to cancer, I am taking a giant step outside my comfort zone and sharing with you my most recent conversation with my mom.

This is what we talked about yesterday:

Hi, Mom. How are you doing?

Great. Really great.

I miss you.

I know you do, but it’s okay. Things are beautiful here and you are doing fine. You’re a good writer and a good person. Live your life and help others. That’s what it’s all about.

Thanks, Mom. What do you want me to do?

Tell them there is life after death. Tell them there is hope. Tell them Dionne’s story – over and over again. She helped me. She helped you cope with my death. Tell them all. Hope is important.

I’m trying, Mom. The journalist in me doesn’t often let the marketing/public relations person take over.

That’s okay. Be you. You are perfect.

Thanks, Mom. You always did know how to keep me grounded. Hey, wait a minute. That ‘you are perfect’ part doesn’t sound like the real you. You’re the one who told Auntie Janet not to read one of the books I published because she wouldn’t like it. While I was standing right there!

(A smile.) Well, it’s true. She wouldn’t have liked it. So there.

Ah, I can see your one eyebrow lifting right now. And your smile. I love that smile. More of a smirk, I guess. Thanks for that, by the way. It keeps people around me smiling a lot. Okay, Mom, I’ve cried enough tears for now. I’ll talk to you later. Have a good day.

I will. I always do.

I love you.

I love you, too. Be strong.

            So now I guess I have to follow my mom’s advice and tell you about Dionne Warner. She’s amazing. She’s battling her eighth cancer diagnosis right now, with grace and courage and tons of humour. She was fighting her fifth, sixth, and seventh cancer diagnoses when I met her in 2010 and began writing a book about her and her husband Graham.

The book’s called Never Leave Your Wingman: Dionne and Graham Warner’s Story of Hope, and it’s as much a love story as anything. It’s helped a lot of people, including me (we’ve sold more than 6,000 copies so far). It’s about living life to the fullest, every day, whether you’re sick or not.

 In April 2011, I had two chapters left to write of the book when we got the phone call that Mom had inoperable cancer. I worked on my laptop as we drove to Edmonton, Alberta to visit Mom that Easter weekend, and I looked at photos of Dionne and Graham Warner, dressed in costume and dancing into her chemo treatments in Regina, Saskatchewan. I shared those photos with my mom and my siblings and other family members in that hospital room. The photos made us laugh, gave us some information about cancer treatments, and took a lot of the fear out of cancer for us. We had never faced the disease that up-close-and-personal before.

A few weeks later, Mom phoned me from her home and asked, “Did that Dionne girl ever try

anything green?”

It took me a few minutes to figure out what Mom was asking, but I realized she meant alternative, complementary therapies aside from chemotherapy or radiation. “Yes, Mom. Dionne sees a doctor of natural medicine, which is different from a naturopath or a homeopath, and she takes supplements to help her fight the toxicity of her cancer treatments. She’s also been to Mexico twice for complementary therapies.”

A few weeks later, I found out that Mom was trying some homeopathic therapies. One of my aunts said the possibility of alternative treatments gave my mom some hope and put a smile back on her face and a new spring in her step. Mom started to bounce back mentally and be the same strong woman I’d grown up with.

Mom took that therapy until the day before she died. My youngest sister cared for her in that final week and when we arrived for our final visit with Mom, my tired, frail mom insisted on pulling herself out of bed and walking out to the living room to sit in her recliner. We knew it was draining every ounce of strength she had, but she was determined to make this final visit seem as normal as possible. It was heartbreaking and beautifully strong.

That’s my mom ... tough to the end. And that’s the spirit she wants all of us to live with.

Be strong. Fight to the end. Be good to each other. Help others. It’s what my mom did for all of her 84 years. It’s what Dionne Warner does in her ongoing cancer battles.

Cancer Sucks. But we don’t have to take it lying down.

Let’s Fight!

P.S.  You will be seeing a lot more about the inspiring Dionne Warner in the coming weeks. She is the face of the new national Beauty Gives Back campaign of the Look Good ... Feel Better program to help patients cope with cancer. She has been interviewed extensively by media across Canada and more is yet to come. You can read Dionne and Graham’s love story in our Never Leave Your Wingman book. (We’re selling signed copies on our website for $19.95 CAD, plus shipping, within Canada). $1 from every book sold is donated to the Cancer Research Unit at the University of Saskatchewan via the Saskatchewan Cancer Agency.

Here are some links that will tell you more about Dionne and Graham Warner and the Never Leave Your Wingman book:

Never Leave Your Wingman book webpage

CityTV Toronto interview – Beauty Gives Back launch at  Mirror Ball fundraiser

CBC National News - tow truck 'best gift ever'
Global National The Morning Show interview with Dionne Warner on World Cancer Day
CTV Regina Morning Live interview with Dionne Warner about Beauty Gives Back

CTV Edmonton News interview with author Deana Driver talking about the book

Never Leave Your Wingman book Facebook page

Keep Hope Alive!