Warm Welcome to Carlyle Homespun Craft Show

Each fall since 2009, I've showcased and sold my books at craft shows and trade shows in Saskatchewan and other Prairie communities. That's 15 years of setting up tables, chairs, books, brochures, and posters in exhibition halls, schools, museums, hockey rinks, and more to sell the books I edit, publish, and sometimes write. And it's been great!

These venues enable me to meet customers and learn what they like about the books I create and what they want to see more of in future publications. I hear accolades about my writing and that of my authors, and it's heartwarming to talk to people who have bought our books and come back for more.

The organizers of these shows are awesome humans too, and a recent event in Carlyle, SK proved it once again.

Upon arrival, I was met by Nicole Currie, one of the organizers of the 38th annual Carlyle Homespun Craft & Quilt Show. Alongside Nicole was her young grandson, Kitt, who quickly endeared himself to me with his choice of T-shirt.

Nicole Currie, an organizer of Carlyle Homespun 2024

Nicole's grandson Kitt with his "red wings" T-shirt

       

(The Detroit Red Wings was my late husband Al's favorite team, so any red wings that pop up since Al's death is a gentle sign of Al's spirit visiting us.)

Young Kitt then went on to endear himself to all the vendors by running from booth to booth as we were setting up our tables. Carrying a stack of sticky notes, Kitt enthusiastically told me, "You're working really hardly, so I want to give you three checkmarks. If you work really hard, you get 10."

That cracked me up!

Kitt handing out checkmarks to vendor Deana Driver of DriverWorks Ink, at Carlyle Homespun 2024
(Photo by Nicole Currie)

He then went to another booth down the aisle, where the vendor asked for a star on his note as well.

"If he gets a star, I want a star!" I called out to Kitt, who immediately came running back to my booth. He carefully added a star - which is "really hard to draw" - to my sticky note. I asked him to write his name too. He complied.

3 checkmarks and a star from Kitt

How much fun is that?

Nicole informed her grandson, "When your dad was little, I bought some books from this lady and her husband. I asked your dad, 'Will you read them?' I said, 'If you read them, I will buy them."

So that adds another wonderful memory for me of why I do what I do with our Prairie stories.

Thanks, Nicole and Kitt for putting a smile on my face at my first craft show of the 2024 fall season!

DriverWorks Ink books booth at Carlyle Homespun 2024

Honouring Those Who Served - 80th Anniversary of D-Day

Thursday, June 6, 2024, will mark the 80th anniversary of the D-Day landings along the Normandy coast during the Second World War. This event by Allied forces, which ultimately led to the liberation of Europe, will be commemorated at various places, including Juno Beach Centre in France.

In 2013, my late husband Al and I visited Juno Beach and carried a copy of Alan J. Buick's award-winning book The Little Coat: The Bob and Sue Elliott Story with us onto the beach. It was eerie and emotional to walk on those grounds where so much occurred.

The late Bob Elliott was a Canadian tank commander who arrived in France at Juno Beach - an overwhelming experience he was able to survive while many others perished in battle. The little coat he and his troop commissioned to be sewn out of a Canadian army blanket as a gift for a sympathetic Dutch girl is now an artifact in the Canadian War Museum in Ottawa because of Alan Buick's fantastic book.

The Little Coat is one of several books published by DriverWorks Ink that share stories of those who served in the Second World War and other conflicts in the name of world peace.

We recommend that you read:

- Crash Harrison: Tales of a Bomber Pilot Who Defied Death, written by Deana J. Driver (that's me), about a Saskatchewan farmboy who grew up during the Great Depression and survived four airplane crashes in England during World War II;

- See You in Le Touquet, written by Romie Christie about her lawyer father's work as an Army officer during World War II and how he liberated his future wife (Romie's mother) and her town of Le Touquet, France as the war was ending;

- all three of the books in the series Flight: Stories of Canadian Aviation, which share vignettes and memories of brave military personnel serving around the world; and

- The Sailor and the Christmas Trees, written by Deana Driver, about a Manitoba man's kindness to shipmates and others in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean on Christmas Day 1944.

All these books are available from https://driverworks.ca/

We share the sentiment of Sussie Cretier, the Dutch girl in The Little Coat story, who said as an adult, "My gratitude for the young men who gave up their youth and their lives for the freedom of our country. I never, ever will forget."

You know they like selling your books when...

One afternoon in October, I was delivering more stock of our terrific books to a local store here in Regina, Saskatchewan when I was overcome with gratitude.

I had just stepped inside Local Market YQR (at 1377 Hamilton Street) when I noticed a brand new, handbuilt book stand that was holding a collection of books I publish! I was surprised and thrilled!

I then sought out co-owner Tim Shultz to let him know I was dropping off more books for their store to sell. He asked if I'd noticed the new bookstand. I definitely had. "Did you make it?" I asked.

He grinned and nodded. I was thrilled and told him so.

"I thought we should have something to display the books," he said.

Wow. It's not every day that a store owner builds a bookshelf to house your pride and joy! Sure, there are a couple of cookbooks and cards on the stands that my company did not publish, but still. Most of the items on display are books I created. How cool is that? 

Tim Shultz with the bookstand he built for Local Market YQR

I had met Tim a few months earlier when I attended a Business Network International local chapter meeting for which my son, Dave Driver, is the president. I enjoyed the Local Market YQR's meeting space and was pleased to see the attached retail spaces with many locally produced products such as food, household supplies, and personal and decorative items.

In a state of unusual forthrightness but not-unusual excitement at seeing handmade items and the efforts of like-minded entrepreneurs, I said to Tim that day, "You should sell my books here." He listened to my descriptions of the types of nonfiction Prairie stories and fact-based kids' fiction books I publish and replied with, "Yes, we should. We should put your books in our Founders Market."

Wow. Me, a founder. I was honoured. I don't usually think of myself in such terms, even though it is true. I did found my publishing company, and I do take the words written by myself and other Prairie authors and turn those into books, but I think of myself as more of a collaborator with my authors and consultants. Together, we make great books. But sure, I'd happily participate in the Founders Market.

Anyway, this lovely surprise happened on a Friday. The next day, something else incredible happened.. on the same theme...

I drove out to Emerald Park, about 20 kilometres east of Regina, to deliver more books to the Farmer John's Local Market & Kitchen shop. And what greeted me just inside the front door? ANOTHER amazing new bookstand!

The bookstand at Farmer John's Local Market & Kitchen shows off DriverWorks Ink books

And this one holds only the books produced by my company!

Wow, wow, and wow! I just stood there in awe, then collected myself and managed to take a photo of this large new bookshelf.

The shop's owner Audra Hill wasn't there that afternoon, but if she had been, I probably would have hugged her - or maybe just jumped up and down in happiness.

This all reminds me of the terrific support and attractive displays which DriverWorks Ink books have been receiving for several years at the Handmade Saskatchewan gift shops in Regina and Saskatoon. Owner Janelle Anderson has made sure that our books are visible in appealing ways, alongside those of other Saskatchewan authors and do-it-all publishers like me. My authors and I love Handmade Saskatchewan! (And we're excited for their new stand-alone store to open in Regina next year too!) 

Our books at Handmade Saskatchewan gift shops in Regina (Cornwall Centre above left) and Saskatoon (Midtown Mall and Lawson Heights Mall above right)

It's rare to receive such special treatment when you are a book publisher. I am honoured by this local support of our books. My authors and I work hard to draw attention to our locally produced books, and we are delighted by the care taken and the support given by these local shops.

Yet another reason to Shop Local and support entrepreneurs and small businesses.

Books make great gifts, you know. Just saying.

A Funny Thing Happened at a Craft Show

I miss craft shows. Actually, I miss seeing real people with their faces visible, but that's another story.

I miss the busy craft show atmosphere of talking with all variety of folks and selling books to interested readers. Craft and trade shows on the Prairies have been part of my life every fall since 2009 when I published The Little Coat: The Bob and Sue Elliott Story by Alan J. Buick. That fall, the author and I and our spouses (Carol and Al) went on an epic author tour through parts of Saskatchewan and Alberta to launch this wonderful book about a Canadian soldier from Olds/Calgary and a Dutch girl who received his troop's wartime gift of a child's coat made from a Canadian Army blanket. 

The Little Coat is still one of our most popular titles - for good reason, including the fact that the coat is now an artifact in the Canadian War Museum thanks to Alan's writing efforts - and it launched us into the world of selling our books at trade shows and craft shows as well. We had a trade show booth at big events like Canadian Western Agribition for many years and we took our books on the road to various craft shows in all regions of Saskatchewan as well as southern Manitoba and Alberta. Fun stuff for sure.

But people do say the darnedest things sometimes.

One of the funniest - or maybe strangest - moments that happened came during a show in a Saskatchewan town in November 2012. The craft show was held in a large gymnasium-like room and there was plenty of space for craft tables and for customers to wander among them. (Sigh. Did I mention that I miss people?) 

Anyway, I returned to the room after a short break and an older woman greeted me at the door. She called to her friend to follow her and they both walked behind me, following me for the entire length of the large room until I got to my table. They stopped in front of my table and waited until I sat down in my chair behind the table.

Then the woman picked up my Never Leave Your Wingman book - about fun-loving, inspiring, seven-time cancer survivor Dionne Warner and her wingman husband Graham - and held the bright pink book up for her friend to see.

"They say this is a really good book," the woman said to her friend.

Then she put the book down and they both walked away.

What... was... that? I wondered for a long, long time - when I wasn't laughing and shaking my head, that is.

She never did buy the book. Not that weekend anyway.

At another craft show - in a city this time - a woman came up to my booth and asked if she could buy "that big book." 

I was confused. All the books I publish are of a standard size - either 6 inches wide by 9 inches high or slightly smaller. I have published only a couple of books that are 8-1/2 inches by 11 inches, so I didn't understand what she was wanting. I asked her to repeat herself.

"I want to buy that big book. There!" she said as she pointed to the 12-inch by 18-inch poster of a book cover that was hanging on the booth wall behind me.

"Um... those are just posters of the book covers. The books are here," I said as gently as I could while I motioned to all the books covering the tables between us.

I don't remember if the woman ended up buying an "actual" book or not - I think she did - but I distinctly remember that she was not the only person who asked if they could buy one of the book posters. One other person inquired at a different trade show a few years later.

So maybe there's a market out there for oversized books. Hmmm...

As my publishing business grew and my display table of books by various authors expanded during the past 10 years, my routine of briefly introducing the books on my table became more complex. Sometimes the words that came out of my mouth were confusing for craft show visitors and for myself as well. (I'm better at writing than I am at talking.)  As I honed my publishing preferences to focus only on non-fiction books and other genres related to non-fiction, it became easier for me to describe the books on my craft show tables. At least that's what I thought was happening.

"Hello. These are all books I publish," I'd say. "They're all written by Saskatchewan and Prairie authors, including me. These ones are all true stories (as I pointed out the books), these are healing and wellness, these are children's fiction and non-fiction, and these are humour and cowboy poetry over here. They're all true stories or based on true stories."

It sounded simple enough to me but, then again, this is my business and I deal with these books daily, so it should sound understandable to the person who creates the books. Let me tell you, it definitely boggles the minds of some folks who wander up to my craft show tables. Usually, I can sort out their questions and help them understand whatever it is that they want to know about the awesome books written by awesome writers. (Shout out to my authors!)

But sometimes, nothing I say really matters.

I recall spending five or ten - or maybe it was a hundred - minutes one day talking to a man about the different books he appeared to be interested in on my craft show tables. He had asked about some of the storylines, whether this one was a Saskatchewan story or not, whether these people were still alive... and more. Then came the question that floored me.

"So, have you read any of them?" he asked.

Uh.... What?

"Yes," I replied, trying to keep him from seeing how astounded I was at his question. Hadn't I just told him about almost Every. Single. One. Of these books?

"I edited and published all of these books, so, yes, I've read every word in every one of them. Many times," I said.

The guy eventually walked away. I was glad to see him go. Sometimes you just can't help people.

The final memorable funny moment came when two young girls, about 10 years old, stopped at my booth one evening and began looking at the children's and young adult books. They picked up one kids' book and then another and began conversing with me.

And that's when my "I've read every word in every one of these books" line came back to haunt me.

One of the young smarty-pants girls picked up The Inquiring Reporter by Clay Stacey and randomly opened it up. "Okay, I'm on page 68. The word starts with a p and ends with r. What is it?" the youngster brazenly asked as she looked straight at me.

"Publisher," I replied, without hesitating.

The little girl's eyes opened wide as she looked at her friend in shock. "Wow! She really does know every word in the books!"

She quickly put the book down and they almost ran as they left my booth.

I smiled.

Yes, of course, I got lucky with "publisher", but it was a pretty easy guess. The book's author, Clay Stacey, was a publisher, editor, and reporter in all four Western provinces for 50 years - so "publisher" seemed like a reasonable option for a word that starts with p and ends with r - in a book about a publisher!

However, I am glad that she didn't look a little farther down the page and pick out the word starting with a u and ending with a y...

Unpredictability.

Books and beauty in Medicine Hat

In July, I travelled to the beautiful city of Medicine Hat, Alberta to visit family. It had been six months since I'd seen my oldest daughter, Lisa, and her family in person. The only other time Lisa and I were apart this long was when she was travelling in Europe after completing university in Calgary. Both of those time periods felt like an eternity.

The past six months of not seeing her face-to-face, hugging her, and making in-person plans for our next book projects as authors and co-publishers was especially long with the added stress of COVID-19. I missed her and her husband, Kyle, and their two daughters, especially as the youngest was learning to talk. So when one of my closest friends invited me into her pandemic bubble to go along for a drive to Alberta, I gladly accepted. We'd both been careful about self-isolating, sanitizing, and wearing face masks when we occasionally went out in public in our city of Regina, and we continued with precautions on our journey west.

Medicine Hat is a lovely city, with the South Saskatchewan River, the hills and coulee/ravine adding to its beauty. Deer can be seen wandering through the neighbourhoods and the people who live there are typical, friendly Canadian Prairie folk who help each other out and care for their community.

The efforts to revitalize the downtown area of Medicine Hat include numerous wall murals that Lisa and I enjoyed during a morning work break.

We also talked about our newest book ventures - my two volumes of Flight: Stories of Canadian Aviation and the newest spiritual guidebook that Lisa is writing to add to her other three great guidebooks. This is exciting stuff! 

Watch the video we shot in The Hat for details, including the title of Lisa's upcoming book!

All in all, it was a soul-filling visit with much opportunity to work and play with some of my favourite people.

P.S. You can purchase your copies of Flight: Stories of Canadian Aviation here from DriverWorks Ink. The books are also available as e-books from your favourite e-book vendors.

Special thanks to Creative Saskatchewan for its Book Publishing Production Grants support for the Flight series.

A Robert Munsch kind of question

It came out of nowhere.

“Are you Robert Munsch?"

I was about to start an author reading at a school and a Grade 7 student asked me if I was the prolific children’s book author Robert Munsch. I've never been asked that before – for obvious reasons, including the fact that I am female.

Author-publisher Deana Driver in Southey, SK

Fortunately, I’ve presented enough author readings at schools and libraries across the Prairies that I was not flustered or stumped by this unusual question.

I simply replied, “No, I am not Robert Munsch … I don't write those kinds of books,” and I carried on with my presentation, talking about my career as a writer – of non-fiction.

A wall mural painted by students of Viscount Central School

I told the students how I began writing as a young child. A one-hour school bus ride from my family’s farm to the school in town and another hour spent on the ride home again was ample time to use my imagination and my other two favourite tools – a pen and a piece of paper – to write poems, short stories, and even notes or questions for fellow travellers. This developed into my love of the written word, my involvement in the high school newspaper, a busy two years of journalism classes at college in Calgary, a move from Alberta to Saskatchewan, and a subsequent career as a journalist, author, editor, and book publisher.

My recent presentations to the students of Robert Southey School and Viscount Central School were filled with fascinating questions from the students and, I hope, helpful or at least interesting answers from me. And maybe the Grade 7 student who asked the Robert Munsch question was just being a goofball showing off for his friends, but I am pleased to say I connected with him in some ways.

He looked serious when I spoke about the seven-time cancer survivor I wrote about in the Never Leave Your Wingman book and how Dionne Warner’s inspiring story has helped thousands of people live with courage, hope, and laughter. This includes my own family when my mother died of pancreatic cancer in 2011 and when my husband died in 2016 from colon cancer.

That same student laughed at my jokes and some of the funnier book excerpts I read. And it was great to mention to him and his classmates that I did happen to publish a great children's picture book that has a similar sense of humour to that of Robert Munsch's books. SuperMom and the Big Baby, written by my son, Dave Driver, tells of a child whose temper causes him to grow so big that his mom tries to come to the rescue. SuperMom uses phrases that were actually spoken by my daughter-in-law Kelli while she was sleep-talking.

At the beginning of my talk, the student who asked if I was Robert Munsch had jokingly asked for my autograph, but he surprised me by following through on his request after my presentation was done. So either I impressed him or he wanted to continue being silly and get my signature on a paper towel to show to his friends.

For my own self-esteem, I'm going with Option 1.

(Read about other questions asked during my presentations.)

Creative Saskatchewan changes to book publishing production grant leave 40 Sask publishers out in cold

DriverWorks Ink is extremely disappointed that Creative Saskatchewan (CS) has chosen to stop accepting book publishing production grant applications for any book that is published with use of author funds. Due to this change in criteria and because of our business model, DriverWorks Ink will no longer be eligible to apply for book publishing production grants from Creative Saskatchewan. As a writer, author, editor, book publisher, entrepreneur, and former journalist, I am frustrated enough to write about this appalling, unexplained turn of events.

DriverWorks Ink is a hybrid book publisher that, since 2008, has worked in partnership with authors to publish books about Prairie people written by Saskatchewan and other Prairie writers. We have been successful in obtaining funding for more than a dozen books in the last five years. This makes it especially disheartening to be told that our product is no longer good enough to even apply.

Most of our books which received grant money returned a profit (income over production costs), and many of them were profitable within the first six months to a year. Our profits come from book sales, with authors receiving royalties from those sales. Our goal is profitability. Commercial viability is the original main goal of the production grant.

Six of these nine of our CS-grant-receiving books that were published with author investment have also won awards.

With Creative Saskatchewan’s announcement on April 16, 2018, the grant’s name also changed from Creative Industries Production Grant to Book Publishing Grant. In my jaded view, this more clearly singles out book publishing and, it feels to me, takes aim at significantly reducing the number of wonderful, important books published in this province. I will not say that it will sound a death knell to our book publishing industry – we are stronger than that – but it will change the landscape significantly. Not in a good way.

The new eligibility criteria for the CS Book Publishing Grant means that only five or six of the 45 book publishers in Saskatchewan will have eligible book projects. It means that 40 of the publisher members of SaskBooks/Saskatchewan Publishers Group, including DriverWorks Ink, will no longer be eligible to apply for book publishing production grant support from Creative Saskatchewan as most, if not all, of their published books include income investment from authors. Although we may still apply for funding to assist with marketing and business capacity development, many amazing Saskatchewan-based books will not be published because of lack of funds, and there will be little point in marketing or growing a business that has no new product.

The new criteria states that books with support from the Canada Book Fund (federal funding) may be eligible for “fast-track” approval without jury adjudication. Creative Saskatchewan’s website states: “Our investments propel creative entrepreneurs as they create, innovate, expand, and perform, in their pursuit of commercial success.” While I support funding from provincial granting agencies for any worthwhile book projects, I am extremely concerned that this change to Creative Saskatchewan’s book publishing fund provides potentially guaranteed funding for book projects subsidized by other agencies and not even a consideration of funding for entrepreneur models that have a good book to publish which will sell commercially and add to the province’s GDP – which are three of Creative Saskatchewan’s mandated goals.

The Book Publishing Grant’s new criteria requires that eligible applicants must have been in operation for two years and have four eligible (read “with no author funds”) titles in print essentially blocks our industry’s growth because actual entrepreneurs and those starting in the industry have no access to funding support. It goes against why Creative Saskatchewan was set up in the first place.

This province, unlike the other jurisdictions in Canada, has never made a practice of supporting trade publishing (which is the general-audience scope for most of the DriverWorks Ink books), so trade publishing had to come up with an alternative model which includes hybrid and self-publishing.* (*See Addendum below.) That model in Saskatchewan has become an accepted practice in the industry across North America, but Creative Saskatchewan’s guidelines seem to be ill-advisedly supporting only publishing projects which may already receive product investment from the public sector. Why is that? 

I am concerned for the future of our vibrant book publishing industry in Saskatchewan, in which I have worked for the past 17 years. I have watched it grow in strength and quality and I am grateful to Creative Saskatchewan for assisting with some of that growth. More than 100 books are published annually in Saskatchewan – most of them by the smaller publishing houses. I fear that the numbers will decrease significantly because of this change in the grant program, important cultural books will go unpublished and businesses will close their doors.

When I was a board member of SaskBooks, the creative industry member organization for publishers in the province, I spent dozens of hours at the board table with various representatives of Creative Saskatchewan, many of whom had come to CS from other creative industries and knew very little about book publishing. I thought we had provided education on the diverse and commercially viable business models in the publishing sector and how our member publishers collectively believe that funds coming in from one source versus another is irrelevant to the stated goals of the grant – commercial viability and growing the province’s GDP. I thought we had proven time and again the value of our member organization’s programs and processes.

I love Saskatchewan, which is built on the entrepreneurial spirit, and I am deeply concerned by this withdrawal of support for valuable books produced by entrepreneurs. I ask Creative Saskatchewan to reconsider this decision.

Creative entrepreneurs focussed on the commercial success of their published books and businesses are being excluded from the publishing grant application process. It’s time to correct this error and do it quickly. We have stories to tell and we want your help to do so, Creative Saskatchewan. 


* Added April 18, 2018: Every other provinces in Canada supports the publishing of trade books through various forms of provincial funding. For example, a publisher of tourism books in Alberta and British Columbia is eligible for provincial funding. In Saskatchewan, Parkland Publishing has published numerous award-winning, best-selling tourism books about Saskatchewan but is no longer eligible to apply for a book production grant. In Manitoba, a publisher who produces non-fiction trade books similar to those of DriverWorks Ink is eligible for provincial funding to help with infrastructure and business expenses. There is no such support from the Saskatchewan government for DriverWorks Ink or other small publishers. Business models such as hybrid publishing or self-published-author publishing grew here to keep the industry active and to publish more Saskatchewan-based books for our readers.

About 30 authors per year plus numerous artists, graphic designers and printers are affected by this withdrawal of Saskatchewan funding availability. Recently, the Writers Guild of Canada opened up membership eligibility to self-published authors. The library system in Greater Vancouver launched a campaign of awareness of self-published authors because they noticed so many self-published books of quality coming into their libraries. The change is happening across Canada to recognize books based on content and quality, not on input funding methods. Self-published authors and hybrid publishers have submitted production grant applications to Creative Saskatchewan in the past only for books of quality that are marketable and will turn a profit, as required by the former criteria. It is irrelevant whether the publisher's funding comes from a federal grant, the business itself, a gift of funds, a GoFundMe page, or somewhere else.

Please share this information. Please comment on it.

Please support all Saskatchewan publishers (and our authors), including hybrid publishers and self-published authors.

Please contact Creative Saskatchewan, your local media, the Ministry of Parks, Culture and Sports, and/or your local and provincial politicians to tell them you want funding continued for all Saskatchewan publishers, without discrimination against their business models or input funding methods.

A Regina Leader-Post newspaper article about the cuts is here.

What I’ve learned about grief

I apologize to every person I’ve ever met who has lost a spouse to death. I had no clue.

While I knew that your spouse died, I didn’t know the kind of mind-numbing, gut-wrenching, life-altering, hole-in-the-chest pain that you must have experienced after their death.

I didn’t know until now. And I’m sorry I wasn’t a more compassionate, helpful friend to you.

I have grieved the death of my father-in-law, my father, my mother, and several close friends and family members. The pain of those losses was severe, but I did not feel the same kind of despair and complete heartbreak that I have felt since January 4, 2016, when my husband, Al, died only four and a half months after being diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer.

Al’s illness had no warning signs and his health went downhill quickly. He woke on the morning of August 20, 2015, with a pain in his abdomen. Emergency surgery found a fist-sized tumour on his colon, which led to a high-output ileostomy and numerous complications that required repeat hospitalizations over the next few months. Al passed away in a hospice bed in January, with me and several nurses at his side. Losing him has been confusing, frightening, surreal, sad, and so much more. It feels like a large part of me went with him when he died.

I try not to dwell on the discomfort he must have felt while so courageously and gracefully going through his cancer journey. (He hated the phrase “battling cancer”, so I try not to use it.) We had many beautiful, precious moments together during those last few months, but those are hard to remember when the pain is so raw.

I think about him every day, sometimes in almost every moment of every day. I know it is still early – only a month after he died – but sometimes the pain is so overwhelming that I can’t think of anything else. And I sit alone and try not to become consumed by the ache in my soul.

I try not to think of how empty my new life is right now. I struggle with finding a “new normal”.

I know, logically, that it will get better as I grieve and heal, but the heart doesn’t always work together with the brain, so I must go through this pain in order to move on. It is obvious that my journey on this earth is not yet finished and I need to continue to do the best I can to live my life to the fullest, while honouring Al and all that we worked for in our 42 years together.

I have learned a lot more about grief in the past month – from reading materials, by talking to family and friends, by attending a bereavement support group, and from experiencing it. I have also been reminded of many things that I learned in my years as a journalist about how to help others who are grieving.

What Not To Say To Someone Who Is Grieving:

“I know exactly what you’re going through. I know how you feel.”

No, you don’t. It is not possible.

Every human being is different and every relationship is different. Every grief journey is different.

You may have an idea of some of the feelings the bereaved is having, but you could never know exactly how they are feeling.

My relationship with Al and our time together before he died is very different from what anyone else experienced in their relationships. Plus, I barely know how I am feeling from minute to minute, so how could you know?

“Oh, I know. It still hurts ___ years later.”

Putting a time frame on someone else’s grief journey is not helpful. Every person is different and every grief journey is different. Phrases like this may also be an indication that you have work to do in your own individual grief journey and you may benefit from some grief counselling or support programs.

What To Say Instead:

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“If you’d like to talk, I will listen.”

 “Can I give you a hug?”

“Would you like me to come over and just sit with you?”

 “Can I call you occasionally just to see if you need anything?”

What I have learned that has helped me grieve my husband’s death:

• Breathe. Long, deep breaths.
• Be kind to yourself. You did not choose this. You need time to adjust to this new reality.
• Rest often or have a nap. Grieving is hard work. Do not expect to accomplish much each day, at least for the first while. Give yourself a break.
• It’s okay to feel sad. It doesn’t mean you will feel sad forever. It means you feel sad now and that’s okay. Give yourself permission to feel how you need to feel.
• Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, it’s okay to cry. You don’t need to explain your feelings or to apologize for them. You don’t even need to understand your feelings. You just need to feel them and express them if and when you can.
• Give yourself time to grieve. Grief is not an orderly series of stages that lines up perfectly with any given time frame. Grief has been described as “a tangled web of emotions” and it may take months or years for you to untangle some of those feelings. That is absolutely normal. Everyone’s grief journey is different. Remember that you are doing the best you can with the situation you had or have in front of you. Let that be enough for now. Try to ignore or stay away from those who think you should be “over it” or moving on with your life before you are ready.
• It is normal to feel like you do not want to go on. Usually, that is a fleeting feeling that will dissipate with time. It is not normal to consider suicide. Seek professional help immediately if you are considering harming yourself.
• Seek out bereavement support, whether that be in the form of an organized support group with facilitators, a religious or spiritual leader, a professional counsellor, or books from the library. Take what you find valuable from those resources and don’t feel bad about ignoring the rest. One of my cousins started a “grief scrapbook” in which she pasted helpful newspaper articles, clippings, tips, and meditations to help her grieve her husband’s death. I use a notebook.
• Read a good book or listen to music to distract yourself or, in my case, to bring you some happiness. This is self-explanatory, but I do happen to know of a little Canadian publishing house that has some pretty great books (wink, wink). And music can soothe the soul.
• Watch TV or a movie to give your mind a break. I have a couple of new favourite movies that have helped me to grieve my husband’s death.
• Write your thoughts and feelings in a journal, either daily or whenever you feel the need or desire to write. Don’t worry or feel bad if your thoughts change. That’s what thoughts do. Your thoughts and feelings are sure to change as you grieve and heal.
• Write a letter to your loved one. This may be especially helpful if the death was sudden or there were some things that were left unsaid. I write to Al or to God almost every night before bed. Sometimes the letters/journal entries are tender and filled with longing. Sometimes they are full of pain and tear-stained. Often, they are both. Always, they help me heal a tiny bit more.
• Make a list of the people who have offered to help you. Look at your list and choose whoever you will find comfort in during a particular moment. Then call them to chat or ask for help. My list includes people whom I can phone and ask to stay with me so I won’t be alone for the first while as I grieve.
• Don’t feel guilty about not responding to and staying in touch with everyone who contacts you. Choose what you need to do and who you need to talk to and let the rest go for now. Focus on you.
• Leave your home at least once a day. Go for a walk or a bike ride. Go for a drive. Give yourself a change of scenery. Remember that there is still a world out there.
• When you are strong enough, go places in your own vehicle. Then if you suddenly feel you cannot stay, you have the freedom to leave without disrupting other people’s plans. Be careful to drive only after your mind is healed enough to concentrate on the road ahead – literally – and to remember how you got home.
• Try not to dwell on feeling guilty. You may have difficulty accepting that it is okay for you to continue living your life. My husband, Al, asked me to promise him that I would live my life to the fullest and not let his death consume me. I replied that I would try, but that it would take time. I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it. Grief counsellor Andrea Mackay of Greystone Bereavement Centre in Regina SK explained that guilt is “the little bully that we all have inside us. When that guilt sits on your shoulder, flick it off, and tell it to F--- Off!”
• Try to think of the good times and be grateful, but try not to let the uncertain future break you into more pieces. You will feel sadness about the loss of future good times, but keep putting one foot in front of the other and focus on getting through one minute at a time, one day at a time.
• Allow yourself to take a break from work, if you are able to do so, whether it is for a few minutes, hours, days or longer. I am blessed to be self-employed and grateful that I do not have huge financial burdens at this time. I am thankful that I work with patient, caring, compassionate authors who have become friends and who have accepted my need to work at a slower pace and give myself time to figure out the new face of DriverWorks Ink publishing.

Thank you to all who have helped me and my family in any way during these past five months since Al's initial diagnosis.

Thank you for your understanding as I take time to slowly heal. I feel your love and it is appreciated.

From:  https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/184864560/be-gentle-with-yourself

(You may be interested in this post from April 2017: Living My Life After My Husband's Death - Cherishing My "Big A".)

About Cancer, Hope, and Love

Hello, dear friends and supporters of our family and DriverWorks Ink publishing.

I am sorry to say I have some sad news to share with you.

My beloved husband and publishing partner, Al Driver, went into surgery around 9 p.m. on Thursday, December 17th. The purpose of the surgery was to get rid of the blockage in his bowel that has been causing him pain and preventing him from eating since he went to the hospital on Monday, December 7th. Around midnight on Thursday, he went into the recovery room after the surgery.

On Friday, December 18th, the surgeon (who also did Al's first surgery on August 20th and found the Stage IV colon cancer with a spot on his liver) told us that this bowel blockage was caused by multiple tiny tumours that have adhered to Al's bowel and are too small to show up on a CT scan. She could not remove the tumours because they are too attached to Al's bowel and she would have to cut the tumour or his bowel, which are not good options.

The tumours are on the site where the cancer was removed in August. There are also tumours on the lining of his abdomen. There was nothing the surgeon could do from a surgical perspective so, after three hours of exploring and trying to come up with a way to solve the problem, she closed Al up again because nothing more could be done.

The surgeon then spoke to Al's oncologist, and the oncologist said that neither chemotherapy nor radiation therapy are options. So there is nothing more that can be done. Al described it as “our last hope was severed.” Blunt but true.

Since Friday afternoon, our family has been reeling from this news but we are quickly gathering our strength (remembering Dionne Warner's 24-hour rule) to make Al’s last days on this earth as comfortable as possible. He has moved from surgery and oncology into palliative care, which focuses more on the comfort of the patient and quality of life rather than healing and curing.

He is in discomfort physically at times and last night, we were told he only has days left on this earth. 

Our hearts are breaking, but we know he will always be with us. God just needs another angel to spread love and hope in the world. Our Al will do that in his fine, deeply compassionate, humour-filled fashion.

Mentally, he is at peace with the situation. Unfortunately, he has had a lot of time to think about this possibility during these past four months of illness. He is hoping to be strong enough to be released from the hospital in the next few days so he is able to spend Christmas at home with our family. We will do everything we can to help him fulfill that goal and any others he has set. He is a strong, brave, wonderful man. We will cherish the moments we have left with him.

It occurred to me this past weekend that Al and I are "story people" so, without Al's knowledge but with the blessing of our children, I invited people to share a favourite story or memory they have of Al and/or what he has meant to them ... so that Al can enjoy these special memories and sentiments while he is alive. 

I called this a “submission request,” just as we have done with some of our anthologies. Ha ha! We plan to later compile these memories for our children, grandchildren, and family members yet to come. Everyone is welcome to share a story about Al. You can send your "Submission About Al" to me via the email address on our web page. Thank you in advance. 

As has been our desire all along, you are welcome to share this information about Al's health with others so they too can keep Al and our family and friends in their prayers.

We cherish all of you who have supported us, our family, and our publishing business. Thank you.

At the hospital with our son Dave and
our daughters Dani (left) and Lisa. 

My Al is a flawed human being, just like the rest of us, but his human frailties are far outweighed by the good he has done and the wisdom, love, caring, and compassion he has extended to others - especially me. That's what has come across loud and clear by all who have responded with a submission so far. It has been very special to read these stories and tributes to Al, enabling him to once more inject his quick wit and to verbally edit the remarks to make the facts fit the situation - as he remembers it! These memories have brought many smiles to him and us, and we have laughed and laughed and laughed these past two days!

Despite these being among the darkest days of our lives, we wish you and your family a happy holiday season. 

We plan to enjoy these next few hours, days or whatever time we have with Al. Cancer may take his life,  but there is so much that it cannot do.

What Cancer Cannot Do
Author: Unknown
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.

Take care.


In love and peace,
Deana and family

Small World - Reconnecting With Folks This Summer

Here's an "It's A Small World" story from last week.

When I walked into a seniors' home in Morinville, Alberta last Thursday, where I was going to be speaking about our books, a man was standing inside the front doors. He was waiting for whoever was coming to pick him up to take him to a day program outside the facility. He opened the door for me and then for Al when Al brought in our cart of books. Since we were just standing there, I decided to make conversation. I asked the fellow if they'd had much rain there.

"No, not much," he said. "Just last night."

I told him that I was glad it had rained. "We're heading to a family reunion in Athabasca, just north of here. A few weeks ago, my brother said they were spraying for grasshoppers."

The man kind of smiled, then pointed his index finger at me and said, "I KNOW who you are."

I stopped and took another look at him and my jaw dropped. "YOU'RE ________  ________," I yelled, saying his name.

He smiled.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

I had been the recipient of that pointed finger a few times when we were kids, and I had now recognized the man from that gesture I had seen many times as a kid. His family lives about a mile from our farm and we went on the same school bus every day! My brother has visited and worked with this friend of ours for years, but he'd lost track of where our friend had moved in retirement.

So now we know. 

I grabbed our friend and asked Al to take a photo of the two of us. 

How cool is that?

At a Thursday afternoon speaking event in my hometown, I reconnected with at least five seniors who played a role in my childhood as well. Some had been friends with my parents and some were neighbours. (When I was growing up on the farm, anyone who lived within a 50-mile radius was considered a neighbour.) One of the seniors was a former high school Industrial Arts teacher, whom I did not take classes from but whom I had always considered to be a respected teacher. Later that evening, I visited with three of my cousins and also reconnected with a friend from high school whom I had not seen for more than 40 years! I love how life throws such fascinating, fun curves at you every now and then.

We spent the rest of the weekend reconnecting with relatives on my father's side of our family. We visited, ate great food, played cards and other games, and genuinely had a great time.

Then Al and I, my three sisters and one brother, with most of our family members, spent Sunday afternoon at the lake near my brother's farm. It was a beautiful day weather-wise  - hot and sunny with a slight breeze.

It was the perfect ending for a great weekend of visiting, reminding me of where I come from and who I am - a farm kid from Alberta who loves the Prairies and its people.